I spent 75 minutes on the phone today trying to get the cable portion of our cable/internet bundle cancelled because 1) we just don’t watch it any more and 2) they tacked on an additional $40/month last year and nobody has that kind of money.

I don’t like talking on the phone at the best of times. I rely on seeing someone’s expression to know how to respond to them, and talking into a handset to a complete stranger makes me so deeply uncomfortable that I used to have to write scripts of what I was going to say when I was younger. I’ve gotten better at it over the years, but it is still not my idea of fun so you may understand why I really, really want a drink at the moment.

During my 75 minutes in retail hell I was offered various special cable packages five different times, turned them down five different times, asked why I didn’t want to accept these packages, and finally had to tell the rep, “We do not watch cable. We are not interested in popular channels. Please just cancel our cable subscription.” I know this wasn’t her fault and I did my best to be nice because I know she’s expected to try and upsell. But Jesus, Allah, and Zoroaster, that was tedious for both of us.

She then put me on hold twice, said there was something problematic with her system and she had to reach out to her tech support and could I hold? *sigh* Yes, I could hold. Apparently we were on an older system and it was very slow according to the rep. I think I wound up on hold five times as well. Granted, we’ve had this account since (I think) 2008 so I’m sure breaking up this bundle is complicated, but is it really this complicated?

Apparently it was because in the end they couldn’t separate our bundle as it was just too old. So I picked an internet service that comes with a speed upgrade and a handset that we won’t use but by that point I just wanted to scream. At least it will be about $130 less than what we’re currently paying.

However, because they have to move us to a new system and a tech needs to come out tomorrow and install the cable modem they’re charging us a fee for that. The time the tech is coming is also the one time that Lyndon has a training session tomorrow and can’t lose internet access. He’s trying to see if one of his colleagues can take it—if they can’t, I’ll tell the tech to come back later.

And I really need that drink now…