My editor lives in the next town over and knew about J.J. so she offered to take me out for coffee today, coffee being a code term for taking an hour to grab some sort of non-alcoholic drink and something sweet to eat, then hanging out together for a good old-fashioned bitch session.

There’s a place in Allen that I particularly like for their boba tea and mochi donuts, so we spent an hour there talking about losing pets, our quilting (we both love to quilt and often bring our latest projects to coffee time), her recent trip to her husband’s home state, and other things that were meant to soothe me and get me back onto an even keel.

Which I kinda need. I hate crying with a passion—it makes my eyes puffy, it’s hard to see, and I get whanging sinus headaches. So the fact that I’ve been bursting into tears every couple of hours has not been pleasant, as you might guess. I know grief is a process, everyone goes through it at their own pace, and at some point I’ll be able to think of J.J. and not tear up. But I haven’t reached that point yet (apparently I am in the Pain and Guilt stage of grieving)

So I’ll just keep a handkerchief on me and rely on my friends to cheer me up. Luckily for me I have great friends who are really good at doing just that.

As it turns out, digging a grave for a frail elderly cat is more work than you’d expect, especially in North Texas clay with all kinds of thick roots running through it. But making yourself too tired to cry is kinda useful, too.

We buried J.J. with the ashes of Jordan and Sandy in the southwest corner of our back yard (ignore the condition of the soil—I’ll be remediating it this spring). As I said to Lyndon, their little boxes are just something I dust and it would be more appropriate to mingle their ashes with J.J. We also added one of Lyndon’s old shoes, because J.J. loved to sing to Lyndon’s shoes at night, dragging one into the middle of the floor and MEOOOOOOOOOWing to it.

I cried a lot yesterday, especially in the shower, and only got to sleep with some pharmaceutical help. Today, however, is memorial day. So I went to Calloways and asked them what kind of rose or flowering shrub would work well over the grave. Since it only gets 6 hours of sunlight in the morning they said that a rose would be problematic but an azalea bush would work well in that kind of partial sunlight, blooms in spring and fall, and we could always plant annuals around it for additional color.

So I bought a small azalea bush with red blossoms, some shrub soil, additional lantana for the southern flower bed to replace the ones that got killed in the frost, then came home and put on my gardening clothes. I grabbed border stones from the little wall ringing the tree stump out front (will someone please remind me to have people come out this summer and grind out the danged thing?) and used those as a border, then dug a hole for the azalea bush, added the shrub soil and some mulch, and watered it.

I can see it from my kitchen window when I’m at the sink, which makes me, well, as happy as I can be at the moment. Afterwards I took the practically unused box of Hydra Care into our vet to have it donated to someone who could use it and thanked them for taking such good care of J.J., and of course I burst into tears at the end of it. Lyndon and I will probably grieve for some time, and even Jeremy, who is Not a Cat of Much Brain, has noticed that something is wrong and wants to stay with me when I’m in the house. I guess he’s my new shadow and bodyguard. As for Jessie, she keeps wandering around the house, then comes up to me wanting scritches and reassurance. Jemma and Jasmine don’t seem to be bothered all that much but they weren’t raised by J.J. and Jordan the way Jer and Jess were.

There’s a palpable absence in the house. I keep walking past the futon, which has now been cleaned and had its cover put back on, and it’s so strange not to see J.J. laying on his bedding and lifting his head to look at me. Lyndon said that he always used to talk to J.J. when he came in from the shops and was putting things away in the kitchen, and last night after he ran to Walmart it hurt not seeing J.J. watching him while he chatted about his day.

He was an amazing cat, and he will be missed deeply.

Ow. Ow ow ow.

So my office, the upstairs hallway on the office side, and what of the craft room I could reach has all been vacuumed (the entrance to the attic is right over the hallway so it’s part of the house that will be seen by the HVAC tech on Wednesday), the stairs have been vacuumed, and all loose stuff in the library and dining room has been tidied away. I figure I’ll vacuum/dust the library and dining room tomorrow, and give the downstairs bathroom a nice clean just in case the tech has to pee while he’s here (hey, it’s happened before).

My body is now reminding me that I am no longer 16 nor am I Xena. But I come from a long line of females who believed in the core of their beings that if a stranger came into your home the place had to be immaculate or you brought shame on your family. There’s no way I’m going to manage immaculate, especially with the Elderly Gentleman wetting his bedding a couple of times a day, but I can manage clean and smelling okay for the places the tech will see.

Speaking of the Elderly Gentleman, we had a rather nice evening tonight. It was chilly today in the Clavicle of Texas and he wasn’t feeling very chipper so I stretched out on the couch and let him cuddle on my chest (I am the world’s best hot water bottle according to Lyndon) while Lyndon sat in my chair, Jemma hung out on the back of the couch, Jeremy curled up by my feet, and Jasmine roamed the room. The only one not there was Jessie, but she likes to sleep in our bedroom until we turf her out at night. Lyndon and I spent a very pleasant couple of hours talking about anything and everything while I petted J.J. and kept his toes warm.

To be honest I don’t think he’ll be here for much longer. These last two weeks were a gift that I will always treasure, but in my heart of hearts I knew it was a surge and wasn’t going to last. Right now our goal is to keep him warm and comfortable until either he passes in his sleep or we need the vet’s help.

There’s nothing quite as special as taking out the refrigerator water filter only to have it start spraying water all over the floor. Our impromptu fountain stopped while I was cursing in panic and dragging out the fridge to get to the water cutoff, but still. I’m guessing there was some mineral buildup that kept the valves open until it was cleared by the water spray, but there was no more leakage once we installed the new filter which is all that matters.

On the plus side, the space behind the refrigerator is now vacuumed, dusted, mopped, and sparkling clean, I got to use my new spin mop to mop up all of the water that had been sprayed across the kitchen floor, and I was able to put all the towels and cloths used to wipe up the water into a load with dirty cat bedding. As we have a HVAC checkup appointment on Wednesday I needed to clean this place anyway, so this was the perfect prompt to get all the cleaning started.

As for the Elderly Gentleman, he has had water and sub-q fluids this morning and is currently snoozing in a sunbeam. As far as he’s concerned, he’s all good.

I am sitting here in a Buc-ee’s St. Patrick’s Day shirt and green sweat pants so there will be no pinching of me today, the Elderly Gentleman seems to be in decent condition and spirits, a present that I sent to a friend got there this morning so thank you USPS for being prompt, and I’m going to Jason’s Deli tonight to pick up some corned beef sandwiches (since it’s Friday and I don’t have to cook on Fridays).

And now, I must get back to writing, tra la.